If this show hadn’t been titled “Red White & Bruised”, it could have easily been titled something like “Rumble in the Jungle” -- due to a partial power outage inside the Wrestleplex, there were lights but absolutely no air conditioning running at all! We’re talking jungle-style heat here, people. Nevertheless, the show did go on -- that’s just how MCW rolls.
Once again, we opened the night’s festivities with a visit from the beautiful people at Murder Incorporated, who recently added none other then Mike Hercum to their ranks. I really wish Minka could tone her voice down a few clicks whenever she‘s on the mic, because when she tries to out-shout the crowd (a losing battle in itself), whatever she’s got to say gets lost. I did manage to make out that Bill Martel apparently had a match tonight with the MCW Heavyweight Champion Jebediah (more than likely a non-title one), but to be honest, that was about it.
Then the BigAss Screen came to life with a video message from Justin Mane (paraphrased) - “I’ve still got a score to settle with Mike Hercum, and I’ll be there on August 6th. It doesn’t matter if you throw Big Hurt or Bill Martel in my path; no matter what, Mike, you and I aren’t done yet.”
Newcomer Ethan Wright faced off against Wilbur Whitlock, who seemed to look like the Unabomber with the gray hooded sweatshirt he wore to the ring. I have to give Ethan credit; he showed a lot of heart and fought a good fight from the bell, but it just wasn’t enough against Wilbur, who worked the 5-count in corner attacks and used referee distraction to catch Wright with a low kick and a Whitlock Cutter to pin Ethan.
We saw the first of 3 vignettes touting the future debut of Patrick Hayes, who would be joining MCW’s roster soon. Apparently his tagline is the phrase “Hayesed and Confused”; now, I enjoy the works of Led Zeppelin, and especially John Bonham’s drum solo at the end of “Dazed and Confused”, and I can’t help but wonder if Patrick may be getting a call from Zep’s lawyers regarding copyright infringement (just a thought, mind you).
Justin Diaz (who I am glad to see back in action) came to the ring and discussed the attack he suffered in the back parking lot of the Wrestleplex two weeks ago by a mysterious masked man; the attack was shown on the BigAss Screen for those who might not have known of it. Diaz said he had an idea or two on who the masked man might be, but tonight he’d take his anger out on Seth Allen of the Bromance (I mean, Broski) Express. Out to the ring came the MCW Tag Team Champions -- with Dick Jeremy as their valet? (Oh lord…) The bell hadn’t even rung yet, and Diaz decided to open up the whoop-ass on both Allen and Blaze. Blaze and Jeremy soon found themselves on the receiving end of the ref’s power as they were both ordered to the back -- or Diaz would be awarded the match! The count was up to six before they retreated, and now it was a one-on-one bout. For my money, Diaz showed no signs of rust at all as he went after Allen, who seemed to chosen an elementary strategy: pick a body part and attack it -- in this case, it would be Diaz’s left arm. It slowed Justin down at times, yet didn’t stop him from even hitting a Codebreaker on Allen, who hazily tried to tag out -- but no one was home! Just after Diaz had hit a Bronco Buster on Allen in the corner, out to the ring came the same masked man who’d attacked Diaz in the parking lot! As the 2-on-1 attack started, the bell rang and Diaz was awarded the match by DQ. I have to say, I have an idea or two who the masked man could be, but I don’t have enough evidence yet.
A second vignette starring Patrick Hayes played as the ring was cleared.
Team Be Jealous -- Alison Kay, Jessicka Havok, and Shawn Blaze -- came to the ring. Shawn took it upon himself to tear up a fan’s sign (yeah, real manly there, Shawn), and Kay and Havok tried selling photos to the fans (I’m sorry, but isn’t that what a gimmick table’s for?) The opponent for tonight would be none other then one of my favorite interview subjects -- Sassy Stephanie! Steph took the mic and asked Blaze and Havok to stay out of her match with Alison (yeah, like that was going to happen). Steph, you would have had better luck asking the AC system to suddenly turn itself on. The standard Team BJ 2-on-1 attack started right away, and things got a little more interesting when a fan interjected herself into the mix, only to be escorted out by security. That’s what makes a TBJ match always hard to keep track of; there’s always something going outside the ring as well as in the ring. Steph may have managed to find Team BJ’s Kryptonite at one point, as she grabbed a photo from the ring apron just as Alison was about to attack her in the corner -- and stopped Alison dead in her tracks! As she threatened to tear it up, both Alison and Jessicka pleaded with her to not do it -- and God bless her, the Sassy One tore that sucker up! This caused what looked like a meltdown for both Alison and Jessicka, and Alison took it out on Steph, nailing her with a Killswitch and attempting a Death Valley Driver -- but both had little to no effect at all. Just as Alison managed to catch Steph in a rollup, Steph reversed the rollup and pinned Allison! (On that alone, I’m awarding Sassy Stephanie the Rev’s “Upset of the Night”Award.) No sooner had the bell rang and Steph was announced as the winner of the match, all 3 members of the Team stormed the ring and administered a post-match beating on her. Evidently we’ve seen the chink in Team Be Jealous’ armor -- and I think it’s vanity. I may be wrong…but I doubt it.
A special event was planned for intermission: the in-the-ring wedding of “Mr. Insanity” Toby Klein and his fiancee, Nicole. The members of the wedding party all looked great (although I felt sorry for all the men, wearing black tuxes in the heat of the place), and Nicole, who I’ve gotten to know over the last few months, looked beautiful. And then there was Dick Jeremy as one of the flower girls, a symphony in bright pink. My eyes are still stinging. The minister, Pastor Purdy, I believe was his name (and if I’m wrong, my honest apologies) conducted a well-done ceremony, capped off by MCW Elite Champion “Luscious” Larry Lavender’s own rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (trust me, you had to be there to truly appreciate it). Just after the minister had married them and introduced them as “Mr. and Mrs. Insanity”, we were visited by a surprise guest -- an individual by the name of Ian Decay, who seemed to know Toby from earlier days. He had nothing against Nicole, but couldn’t stand the idea of his old buddy getting married; he then challenged Toby to a Falls Count Anywhere match with the stipulation that if he should win the match, Toby would annul the marriage -- but if Toby won, Ian would kiss Toby’s ass in the ring. The pastor took the mic and asked Toby if he wanted to do this; Toby nodded in agreement. Then he added, “We’re not going to have a match like this without a very special guest referee…” and without missing a beat, out from the back, garbed in referee stripes and armed with a steel chair was none other then Necro Butcher himself!
“Holy Hell,” I said to myself, “this just got interesting!”
Following the wedding, Murder Incorporated came back to the ring -- the ever-lovely Minka leading “Superstar” Bill Martel to his meeting with a severe ass-whooping -- oops, I meant his non-title match with the MCW Heavyweight Champion, Jebediah (I need to cut back on the espressos, it seems). Martel even took the mic and admonished the crowd to watch their language, there were children in the audience (yes, Bill, and many times they’re the ones coming up with the more creative catcalls!). Just after Jebediah’s arrival in the ring, the classic “SHE’S GOT HERPES” chant started up (ah, the classics; they never grow old). The match was straight-on from the start, with Martel getting some good moves in, but Jebediah dominated most of it. The match spilled out to the ring, where Jebediah lit up Martel with a pair of chops to the chest that sounded like gunshots; Martel returned the favor with a chop of his own -- only to have Jebediah look at him as if to say “Seriously? That was your best?” I’d have to say overall that Bill seemed to suffer from a case of “close but no cigar” this night; his moves were good, but never enough to put the champ away. Another member of Murder Inc. came down to the ring -- Mike Hercum -- in an attempt to distract the ref and Jebediah; at this point, here’s where things happened to go south: Minka got on the apron, Jebediah threatened to grab her as Martel prepared to attack (but waited too long), Martel charged, Jebediah sidestepped the charge and Martel had the presence of mind to stop. No problem, right? He forgot that Jebediah was still there! Martel went flying into Minka (there’s no classy way to say that, trust me, I’ve tried), who fell into Hercum’s arms. This left Martel open for a finishing stroke from Jebediah, who rolled the “Superstar” up for the three-count. To commemorate the comedy of errors that happened to Murder Incorporated this night, I’m giving them a special Rev‘s “Don’t You Hate It When That Happens?” award. Nice try, thanks for coming out, Bill.
We were then treated to a 3rd vignette featuring Patrick Hayes. Lord, I hope he lives up to the hype.
Next came an unexpected pleasure: a #1 Tag Team Contenders Match between the Latin Crime Syndicate and the Young Studs. The crowd was clearly with the Young Studs tonight, who had a fight on their hands against the power of the Syndicate. This quickly became a classic Pier Six brawl, with bodies flying through the air and thudding to the mat with equal speed. The next thing anyone knew, Bobby Beverly had pinned Luis Diamante, and the Young Studs were the new #1 contenders to the MCW Tag Team Championship, held by the Bromance (I mean, Broski) Express! Now comes the next question: when will the Broskis put up the belts?
We were down to the Main Event of the night: a TripleXTReme Rules match between the newly-married “Mr. Insanity” and Ian Decay (with Necro Butcher as the special guest referee); the prize would not be any championship belt, but Toby and Nicole’s future. Talk about having a reason to fight! There’d be little wrestling here, but a great deal of violence. Toby came to the ring, barking like he used to -- and the crowd replied in kind. As the bell rang, the fight was on, and quickly went outside the ring, where Ian blasted Toby with a trash can (man, it’s a good thing these two were friends; there’d probably be an act of homicide if they were really pissed off!), and Toby replied with whipping Ian into the side of the concession stand. The crowd started to chant “WE WANT BLOOD”, and they were not denied; Toby took a crushed pop can and proceeded to open up Ian’s forehead. As the fight moved around the ring, Toby bulldogged Ian onto the ring steps (man, that’s a headache that Tylenol might not help). As they got back in the ring, Toby got ahold of Necro’s chair and wedged it in one corner. Ian managed to DDT Toby, but ended up with Necro’s chair upside his head (courtesy of Necro himself, who seemed to have decided this had gone on far enough) and Toby pinning him. Pastor Purdy (who had accompanied Toby to the ring) took the mic and gave the evening a great signature: “Introducing once again -- and STILL married -- Mr. and Mrs. Insanity, Toby and Nicole Klein!” But then he remembered something -- Ian had to live up to his part of the match. Toby pointed to his rear and then to Nicole’s, as if to ask the crowd “Mine or hers?” The crowd replied “HERS!”, but the pastor reminded Toby that the deal was that Ian would kiss Toby’s backside -- which he did, with a smile on his bloodied face.
Lord, what a night. That’s what I love about MCW shows, you never can tell what’s coming next…
Until next time, I am -- as always -- the Reverend Rogue Six, and I will see you at ringside
